Making babies is fun. Growing babies? Well that sucks. The nine months spent with some other human renting out your uterus is uncomfortable, large on all areas (especially my ass, thanks a lot, offspring), and a huge loss in dignity itself. I have on several occasions sneezed, laughed or farted myself into peeing while pregnant. I have puked, readjusted, and felt overall uncomfortable for a good eighteen months out of my twenty one years on Earth.

But procreating has really brought up a question in my mind. What would I do if one of my dearest sisters, or even friends couldn’t have a child? For whatever reason, this comes up in my mind a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I have sworn off children for myself, and for good reason.

1. Everything is sold in singles, or pairs. Nothing is sold in threes aside from Fun Dip, and who ever shares that shit? I used to pour that sugar down my throat like there was no tomorrow.

2. I already have two children. I have to get through their youth, not to mention college. I can hardly afford my own college. More? No thank you.

3. Being the middle child sucks. I don’t want Caroline to suck.

I am half kidding, but I digress. I don’t want more children.


Poor Caroline looks terrified enough. I am not adding fuel to the child fire.

But, that question still sticks in my mind. How much would I be willing to do for someone I love to experience what I have as a parent? What if I had a sister, or a friend like a sister to me that couldn’t have kids, and came to me for help? Could I be a surrogate mother?

This is a really hard question for me, because I hate being pregnant. I hate the puking. I hate the back pain. I hate the fact that doctors get to look at my vagina as much as they request without even so much as an offer to buy me coffee. But, I also hope one day, my friends and my sisters, even my brother can share with me the love/hate relationship that comes with being a parent (although, truth be told, I fear for my brother’s future offspring, they are destined to be airheads).

I understand that their are millions of children already out there, that need a home, young and old. My own father was adopted as a child, along with his younger sister. It was a blessing for them. But, I also understand the love of the idea of having your own child as well, and to learn that you might not get that chance would be horrible. Here I am, fertile as a rabbit, and someone near to me doesn’t get that opportunity to hate their fat ass and the fact that they can’t see their feet, let alone balance on them with twenty inches of belly sticking out. I would hate me if I were that woman.

Having two sisters with diseases (one with Turners Syndrome and the other with Cancer) the question could definitely arise, and although I don’t know how likely or unlikely it is that they’ll have children, I want to have an answer in case they can’t.

I honestly think I would definitely suffer nine more months to see the joy of parenting be spread to those I love, if it’s the route they so choose. The idea is so far off, but still, if one of the people closest to me, came to me and asked, I would chug and beer and cry out “FOR NARNIA!”

How hard would that be though? To hold something so close, literally in your uterus, for nine whole months, only to hand it off and deal with the mess you just created of your vagina? I can’t even comprehend how women do it, and yet I would be gladly willing to suffer forty whole weeks without vodka for the people I love. Even consider pumping breast milk so that child gets all those damn delicious antibodies, because, lets face it, making babies gives me amazing breasts.

I would love to hear what others think, because it’s a conversation of high interest. So, I ask you, how would you handle the situation? Could you ever carry someone else’s child, a child you would watch grow up, after spending nine months inside you, from a distance? Better yet, have you?

For now, I am going to drink my beer and enjoy my life of a vacant uterus…and two screaming children.



3 responses to “Surrogacy.

  1. I definitely couldn’t. Especially after having my own child. I have made bonds with a few people that I love so bad it hurts, only to have them walk out of my life. I know I’d be naive enough to bond with a baby during pregnancy and then be extremely broken when I’d have to give it to it’s family. I also couldn’t (or wouldn’t) do it for religious reasons, but even if I didn’t have the religious reasons, I still am sure I couldn’t do it.
    Like you said, there are lots of children in the world who need loving homes, but if you think about it, you and I are both also “selfish” because we had our own biological children, and didn’t adopt children, know what I mean?
    Anyway, that’s my 2 cents.

    • I love seeing it from another perspective. My husband and I are definitely considering adopting one day, which is totally against my “set of two” idea with kids, but we would love to give the opportunity to a child for a good life. Older children rarely get adopted, so I would totally “Brad and Angelina” a child in need.

      • Yeah. I know what you mean. I told Jonathan that if he was completely against the idea of adoption that I couldn’t marry him because it is that strong of a want for me. I was adopted when I was 3 days old, so it’s nothing that would be unfamiliar to me.

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