A lovely Asian friend recently posted this to my Facebook, and I laughed at how many of those things my child also freaks out about. I also wanted to spend a day trying to record all of the nonsense she cries, whines, or yells at me about. This is what I came up with.
1. She woke up.
2. The cereal to milk ratio sucks.
3. She had to put on pants.
4. I put her in pants.
5. She peed her pants.
6. Caroline is crying.
7. Her dad didn’t let her lick his face.
8. Spongebob wasn’t on.
9. I wouldn’t let her have her own coffee.
10. She wanted pancakes.
11. She wanted her pancakes cut, not ripped.
12. She wanted her pancake back into a circle.
13. The dog won’t let her pull her tiny rottweiler tail.
14. She touched the dog’s butthole trying to grab her tail.
15. I said no.
16. Caroline has a hoo-ha too.
17. She has to nap.
18. We didn’t put her blankets on her correctly.
19. There is not enough blankets.
20. There are too many blankets.
21. The dog won’t sleep in her room.
22. She had to wake up.
23. I said “Good morning”
24. She wanted chocolate.
25. Chocolate milk doesn’t count as chocolate.
26. Her sister touched her.
27. She is hungry.
28. We are not feeding her fast enough.
29. She can’t use her hands to drink.
30. She has to feed herself.
31. Her dad didn’t kiss the dog before he left for work.
32. Her dad left for work.
33. She has to be at home with me.
34. I colored with her.
35. I didn’t use the right crayon.
36. My coloring technique is unacceptable.
37. She can’t fly.
38. She peed outside and dribbled on her pants.
39. Caroline won’t pee outside.
40. She has to eat her dinner.
41. Her arms are broken.
42. Band-aids don’t fix broken arms.
43. Her arms aren’t really broken.
44. Spongebob isn’t on. Again.
45. Caroline is naked.
46. She can’t paint the dog.
47. The dog licked her knee.
48. Her knee is now definitely broken.
49. No one calls her on the phone.
50. It’s bedtime.
51. She is obviously choking so she shouldn’t go to bed.
52. I didn’t sprinkle anti-spooky dust on her.
53. Not all of her stuffed animals are tired.
54. Poopy the Giraffe has to poop.
55. I won’t let Poopy sit in the toilet.
56. Caroline is still awake.
57. I coughed too loudly.
58. I didn’t kiss the dog goodnight.
And, she finally passed out. This is my every day. How I haven’t sold her on the black market is beyond me.