Disciplining my child. This is quite comparable to trying to teach a jellyfish to do the duggie. Nothing really works.
She has entered a stage in her life where she is gaining independence, and testing her limits with everyone around her. I firmly believe in trial and error parenting, or allowing a child to learn the hard way for non-life threatening situations. Now, if she were about to run into a pile of broken glass and used heroin needles, I would definitely step in. I would also question her level of common sense.
But simple things like slamming open and closed the sliding glass door? Let her slam her sausage fingers in the door and see if she’ll do it again. Telling her not to do it will only make the urge stronger. She is my child after all.
With this gain in limit testing, my sanity is really on the brink of disaster. This is how me telling Layla no goes:
Me- Layla, don’t pull on the dog’s ears. She will bite you one day for that.
Layla- YOU NO.
M- Leave the dog alone, or you’ll never see your precious dog again.
L- Pulls the dogs ears with a smirk on her face.
M- Layla. I swear to the high heavens. Do you want a spanking?
L- Spank mah butt! Spank mah butt!
M- Leave it.
L- YOU NO TELL ME NO. SHH
L- MOM. SHUSH NOW.
Ugh. I have to go through this process several times a day. If she were British, I wouldn’t have to deal with this. British children are notoriously perfect, and slightly creepy. Well known fact. Even if that isn’t true, I would adore listening to that tiny accent all day, even in these battles. Xanax would be another great solution to this problematic area of my life.
Alas, I do not have a British child, or prescription drugs. So I have to put on my big girl panties and find a solution to this issue. She is really too young to understand the concept of spankings, especially in a case where she herself is caught hitting. It’s like telling her I am going to hit you for hitting someone else. Don’t do what I just did. Yeah, like that works. Time outs are another option, but have you ever tried to make a two year old sit in one place for even the smallest amount of time? It works as well as a hot dog does to pick a lock. Taking away her toys is a bigger fight than I really ever imagined. Reverse Psychology worked for about a week, until she started trying to use it on us. So all I have to work with is “The Look”. To my surprise it helps most situations.
Everyone has The Look. It is most commonly used when someone steals your spot in line at the grocery store, you were just told that Ryan Gosling is Mormon, or you have a demon child. This is my Look:
To my daughter, this look is more terrifying than watching me murder puppies with my bare hands. As soon as she sees it, she knows I am going to go all Rambo on her ass, and she quits. There are days where this doesn’t work alone, so I combine it with “The Voice”. It’s quiet. It’s short and to the point. Layla Nicole. That’s it. That, combined with the look, and she is terrified of the deep evil person that may come out of my subconscious.
I never imagined I would be swearing by The Look. But, I recall that same look from my mother. The fear of God would envelope my soul. That combined with her countdown and I was broken down; institutionalized to the ways of my mother’s liking. Mentally broken down begging for mercy. What’s funny is she never did a single thing to me, and she never got to the number three while counting. I was so gullible to believe she would do something terrible to me if she did though.
Discipline for every child is really different, I like to believe that there are children out there less defiant that Layla. I sure hope Caroline is not nearly as defiant. I would drive off of a cliff.