I am a Mean Person.

Oh April Fool’s Day. I am still in quite a bit of shock that it is already April. It has always been a favorite day of mine, since I was very little. I love the idea that there is a day dedicated to just being silly. It is nice to be able to spend just a moment out of all of the chaos of real life to just pull a prank. Life is far too serious all of the time, and damnit I enjoy forgetting about bills and debt and poopy diapers for long enough to convince my daughter I ate all of her Easter candy.

The poor soul didn’t want to believe me from the get go. This is how the conversation went.

Me- I am sorry, Layla, but I ate all of your candy.

Layla- No…

M- Yeah, I just couldn’t resist.

L- No. Chocolate is at Grandma’s. YOU DON’T EAT IT.

M- We took it home honey. And I ate every last piece. Even the chocolate. It was delicious (That’s was just to rub some salt into the wound.)

L- SHUT YOUR MOUTH. I WANT CHOCOLATE. DON’T DFDSGKGFBKBKADA (so angry with me, all words became completely useless, and her face was bright red)

M- Okay. I didn’t eat your candy.

L- Can I have chocolate now?

This is why she hates me, I am sure.

I just remember being a tiny little devil, and for weeks before April Fool’s, I would be trying to come up with these great elaborate pranks, like Suran Wrap on the toilet seat, or hiding all of the remotes. I never did do the Suran Wrap trick, and as tempting as it is to set that up for my husband to come home to, it’ll be me cleaning his piss off of the ground. That’s like pranking myself into cleaning his piss. That with the added fact that my husband is a terrifying person to piss off, I steer clear of fucking with him. The last time I shoved a container’s worth of whip cream in his face while he was watching television, was then proceeding with 10 minutes of telling me how much of a dick I am. Luckily, I am aware I am a dick. Also, whip cream made his skin softer than a ripened peach. So he should be thanking me, that bastard.

Take a moment to giggle, on April Fool’s or not. Life isn’t meant to be serious, and I hope with parent’s like us, my girl’s will learn that lesson well.



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